Fatherhood is a journey of highs, lows, and lessons that shape not just our kids, but us as men. On a recent episode of Call With Dads, we dove into a topic that hits hard for many dads: forgiveness. It’s not just about letting go of grudges—it’s about finding peace while protecting the life you’re building for your family. In this raw conversation, we explored forgiving family and friends who’ve let us down, the difference between forgiveness and reconnection, and how being a dad changes the way we process past hurts.

As dads, we carry a lot—responsibility for our kids, our partners, our work. But sometimes, we also carry resentment from the past. One of us shared the story of a biological father who wasn’t abusive but was absent, more focused on his own image than being a dad. The resentment wasn’t fiery anger but a quiet bitterness, built up from years of feeling like an afterthought. Add to that a friend who burned bridges after years of support, leaving a sting that lingered for nearly a decade. Sound familiar? Many dads have those scars—family who didn’t show up, friends who betrayed trust.

The other side of the conversation brought a different angle: a dad who grew up blaming his father for being absent, only to learn later that his mother’s manipulation kept them apart. Realizing his dad was trying—driving hours for visits, fighting to stay in the picture—shifted the narrative. It wasn’t about excusing the absence but understanding the why behind it. Fatherhood gave him that lens, showing how messy relationships can get when priorities clash.

Here’s the thing: forgiveness isn’t a Hallmark card moment. It’s not about wiping the slate clean or pretending the hurt didn’t happen. As one of us put it, “A father may forgive, but he never forgets.” Forgiving is about freeing yourself from the weight of resentment so you can show up fully for your kids. But it doesn’t mean you have to invite toxic people back into your life.

For one dad, forgiving his absent father and disloyal friend meant letting go of the anger but keeping his distance. There’s no burning desire to reconnect—not out of spite, but because some bridges don’t need rebuilding. For the other, cutting ties with a manipulative mother was the ultimate act of self-preservation. Even as she tried to claw her way back, he used his “powers of avoidance” to protect his peace. Both stories show a truth many dads face: forgiveness is for you, not them.

Becoming a dad rewires how you see the past. When you’re raising your own kids—whether it’s teaching them kindness, like one dad does with his son Logan, or navigating co-parenting challenges—you start to see your own parents’ choices differently. One of us realized his dad’s absence wasn’t about lack of love but a lack of control, blocked by a toxic situation. That perspective shift didn’t erase the pain, but it made forgiveness easier. It’s like looking at your own kids and thinking, I’d move mountains for them—and then realizing maybe your own dad tried, too, in his own way.

Fatherhood also forces you to model what forgiveness looks like. Kids watch us closely. They see how we handle betrayal, disappointment, or family drama. Forgiving doesn’t mean teaching them to be doormats—it’s showing them how to let go of what doesn’t serve them while standing firm on their values.

Questions for Dads to Chew On

Forgiveness is personal, but it’s universal too. Here are some questions to reflect on as you navigate your own journey as a dad:

• What grudges are you carrying? Are they holding you back from being the dad you want to be?
• How do you forgive without forgetting? Can you let go of the hurt while still setting boundaries?
• What lessons from your past can you pass to your kids? How do you teach them to forgive without accepting bad behavior?
• When is reconnection worth it? Some relationships can be rebuilt—others are better left behind. How do you know the difference?

Building a Community of Dads At Call With Dads, we’re all about connecting dads who want to level up. Forgiveness is part of that growth. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being real, learning from the past, and showing up for your family. Whether you’re forgiving a parent, a friend, or even yourself for mistakes you’ve made as a dad, it’s a step toward being the man your kids need.We’d love to hear your stories. Have you forgiven someone without rebuilding the relationship? How has fatherhood changed how you view past hurts? Drop a comment below or join the conversation on our next Call With Dads episode. Let’s keep learning together.Listen to the full episode of Call With Dads for more raw, real talk about fatherhood. Subscribe to stay in the loop and join our community of dads committed to showing up for their families.