Grief is a universal experience, but for dads, it often comes with a unique set of expectations and challenges. In a recent episode of the Call With Dads podcast, hosts Eric Maynard, Brandon Moore, Mr. Pancakes, and Tom (EarnHerRespect) opened up about how they process grief, from the loss of pets to family members and even the societal impact of public tragedies. Their candid conversation offers valuable insights for fathers navigating their own emotions while guiding their families through loss. Here’s what dads can take away from their discussion.
The Weight of Being the “Rock”
For many dads, the instinct to be the family’s anchor during tough times is strong. Eric shared how he was raised to be tough and stoic, often bottling up emotions to appear strong for his family. “When my stepdad died, I was trying to be strong for my mom,” he said, explaining how he’d drive to a secluded spot to grieve privately. This resonates with many fathers who feel the pressure to hold it together, especially when their kids or spouse are struggling.
Mr. Pancakes echoed this sentiment, describing how he prioritizes being there for his wife and daughter during tough moments. “I’m there for them. I gotta be their anchor,” he said, noting that he processes his own grief later, when he can find a quiet moment. This balance—supporting loved ones while deferring personal emotions—is a common thread for dads, but it can lead to unaddressed feelings piling up.
Takeaway for Dads: It’s okay to prioritize your family’s needs, but don’t ignore your own grief. Find safe spaces—whether it’s a quiet drive, a walk, or a trusted friend—to process your emotions. Suppressing grief long-term can lead to emotional burnout, so schedule time to confront those feelings, even if it’s on your own terms.
The Unique Pain of Losing a Pet
The group’s discussion about losing pets struck a deep chord. Brandon shared the story of his dog, who grew up alongside his son, passing away from cancer. “It was intentional to get a pet so my son could experience grief,” he said, recognizing the importance of teaching kids how to process loss. Similarly, Mr. Pancakes recounted the devastating loss of his dog, who helped him through a rough post-deployment period. “Me and my wife left that place bawling,” he admitted, highlighting the raw emotional connection pets provide.
Tom explained why pet loss hits so hard: “There’s nothing in the world that we feel more responsible for protecting than our pet.” Unlike human relationships, which can be complicated by conflict or judgment, pets offer unconditional love and innocence. This purity makes their loss profoundly painful, often catching dads off guard.
Takeaway for Dads: Recognize that grieving a pet is not “lesser” than grieving a person. It’s a unique loss that taps into your role as a protector. Use this as an opportunity to model healthy grieving for your kids—acknowledge the pain, share memories, and let them see you express sadness. This can teach them that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
Societal Grief and Its Ripple Effects
The conversation took a broader turn when discussing the assassination of Charlie Kirk, a public figure whose death sparked widespread mourning and controversy. Eric compared it to the national grief following JFK’s assassination, noting how it affected him despite not knowing Kirk personally. “It’s depressing. It’s sad to see,” he said, pointing to the loss of someone who advocated for discussion and morality.
Brandon reflected on the societal implications, emphasizing the challenge of raising kids in a world where such events occur. “We want our children to grow up in a particular part of society,” he said, but Kirk’s death highlighted that not everyone shares those values. His response was a call to prayer—not just for Kirk’s family, but for those who celebrated the tragedy, recognizing their need for healing.
Takeaway for Dads: Public tragedies can shake our sense of security and hope for our kids’ future. Use these moments to talk with your children about values, resilience, and the importance of standing for what’s right. Prayer, reflection, or open conversations can help process collective grief and reinforce family unity.
Teaching Kids to Grieve Healthily
A key theme was how dads can guide their kids through grief without passing on unhealthy coping mechanisms. Brandon shared a poignant story about finding his young son hiding in a closet, trying not to cry because he was ashamed. “If you can’t hold it in and you tried, there’s no shame in letting it out,” he told his son, emphasizing that crying is acceptable when it’s genuine.
Eric expressed a desire for his son to feel comfortable expressing sadness without becoming overly emotional. “I don’t want him to think he has to hide his sadness, but I don’t want him crying over every little movie,” he said. Tom added that as he’s aged, he’s become more emotional about beautiful moments rather than just tragic ones, suggesting a shift in perspective that comes with maturity.
Takeaway for Dads: Be intentional about teaching your kids that emotions are normal, but self-control is valuable. Encourage them to express grief in safe environments, and model this by sharing your own feelings appropriately. For example, talk about a pet’s passing as a family, or share a memory about a loved one to normalize discussing loss.
The Danger of the “Rickety Shelf”
Brandon’s metaphor of a “rickety shelf” where he stores unprocessed grief was a powerful image. “It’s made out of 1x4s, sun-beaten and brittle,” he said, acknowledging that while he’s fine now, that shelf might collapse one day. This vulnerability highlights a risk many dads face: postponing grief indefinitely can lead to an emotional breaking point.
Takeaway for Dads: Don’t let your grief shelf become a hazard. Schedule time to process losses, whether through journaling, talking with a friend, or seeking professional help. Teaching your kids to grieve healthily starts with you modeling a balanced approach—acknowledging pain without letting it define you.
Moving Forward with Strength and Faith
The hosts also touched on how faith and moral principles guide their lives and help them process grief. Mr. Pancakes shared how adopting biblical principles, even without being deeply religious, improved his life incrementally. “Every time I implemented something from the Bible, my life got better,” he said. Tom, identifying as a Christian theologist, emphasized the story of Cain, highlighting the power of choosing to do good despite challenges.
Takeaway for Dads: Whether through faith, philosophy, or personal values, find a framework that helps you navigate grief and life’s challenges. Share these principles with your kids to give them a foundation for resilience. Even small, intentional changes—like choosing kindness or honesty—can create a ripple effect of positivity in your family.
Conclusion
Grief is a complex journey, especially for dads balancing their own emotions with the responsibility of guiding their families. The Call With Dads hosts remind us that it’s okay to grieve differently—whether it’s in private, through tears over a pet, or in response to societal loss. The key is to process those emotions eventually and model healthy grieving for your kids. By being both a rock and a relatable human, you can help your family navigate loss while building a stronger, more connected future.
For more insights on fatherhood, check out CallWithDads.com or follow the hosts on X: @ponderingmore, @EarnHerRespect, and @PancakesDad. Share your own stories of navigating grief as a dad in the comments below—we’d love to hear how you’re managing the journey.
