Parenting is a journey filled with love, joy, and—let’s be honest—a healthy dose of fear. As fathers, we often grapple with the worry that we’re not doing enough, that we’re making mistakes that could shape our kids’ futures in ways we don’t intend. In a recent episode of the Call with Dads podcast, hosts E.A. Maynard, Mr. Pancakes, and Tom dive deep into this universal dad fear: the fear of screwing up. Their raw, honest conversation offers valuable insights for fathers looking to navigate parenting challenges, learn from their past, and teach their kids to do the same. Here’s a breakdown of their wisdom, tailored for dads who want to parent with confidence while embracing their imperfections.
Every dad has felt it—that gnawing worry that one wrong move could mess up their kids for life. E.A. Maynard shares a powerful reflection on this, admitting that as a dad, he’s often “making it up as we go.” He recounts how he once assumed his stepdad had all the answers, only to realize later that parenting is a constant learning process, especially when dealing with unique kids and blended families. This fear of not knowing enough or saying the wrong thing—like telling his son to “stop whining” instead of calmly addressing his emotions—resonates with many dads.
Mr. Pancakes echoes this, sharing how his own struggles with emotional control, rooted in past trauma and military experiences, made him fear passing those traits onto his daughter. Tom adds that the fear of failure can paralyze dads, preventing them from even trying. But as the trio discusses, the key isn’t avoiding mistakes—it’s learning from them and showing up consistently.
The conversation takes a candid turn as the dads share personal stories of their own mistakes, both as parents and in their younger years. E.A. Maynard opens up about how a broken engagement led him down a path of heavy drinking and reckless behavior, which he now sees as a mistake driven by fear of being hurt again. He’s writing a memoir to share these lessons with his kids, hoping they’ll learn from his missteps without repeating them.
Mr. Pancakes reflects on his wild days of “sowing his wild oats” before meeting his wife, a phase he now views as misguided. He wishes to spare his daughter from similar pitfalls, particularly the pressures of modern cultural narratives that prioritize fleeting pleasures over meaningful connections. Tom ties this to his “four stages of manhood” framework, where fatherhood marks the ultimate responsibility—caring for someone who can’t care for themselves. Mistakes in this stage feel heavier, but they’re also opportunities for growth, both for you and your kids.
One of the most powerful parts of the discussion is how these dads are teaching their kids to navigate mistakes and emotions. Mr. Pancakes shares a heartwarming “dad hack” for calming his daughter’s tantrums: he gets down on his knees, mimics a gorilla (a playful nickname she gave him), and offers hugs to shift her mood. This approach not only diffuses her anger but also teaches her emotional regulation by example. Instead of yelling back—a mistake he admits to making in the past—he now models calm problem-solving.
E.A. Maynard talks about his son’s struggles with math and his fear of relying too much on technology, like AI tutors, to fill the gap. He’s learning to course-correct, trying new approaches during summer breaks to find what works. Tom emphasizes that kids need to see adults work through conflicts—like parental disagreements—to learn emotional control and negotiation. Hiding these moments robs them of valuable lessons.
The dads also tackle how societal pressures amplify fear. Tom critiques the “hook-up culture” and “red flag” mentality that discourages young men from pursuing meaningful relationships, keeping them stuck in a cycle of fear and avoidance. Mr. Pancakes agrees, noting how modern narratives pushed him toward destructive choices in his youth. E.A. Maynard stresses the importance of teaching his son mental, emotional, and physical strength to avoid being derailed by setbacks like heartbreak.
Tom offers a timeless piece of wisdom: “Don’t be afraid, be aware.” Fear can paralyze, but awareness allows you to acknowledge potential mistakes without letting them stop you. Mr. Pancakes sums it up perfectly: “The only way you’ll fail as a parent is by not being there.” Presence, effort, and a willingness to learn outweigh perfection every time.
Here are some actionable steps inspired by the Call with Dads conversation to help you parent with confidence:
- Embrace Imperfection: Accept that you’ll make mistakes. Focus on learning from them rather than dwelling on them.
- Model Emotional Control: When your kids throw tantrums, stay calm. Try creative approaches like Mr. Pancakes’ “gorilla hugs” to redirect their energy.
- Share Your Story: Be honest about your past (age-appropriately) to show your kids how to learn from mistakes. Consider journaling or writing a memoir, as E.A. Maynard is doing.
- Stay Present: Consistency matters more than perfection. Even a “bad” dad who shows up is better than an absent one, as the stats on fatherless homes show.
- Challenge Cultural Narratives: Teach your kids to prioritize meaningful relationships over fleeting pleasures, countering societal pressures that amplify fear.
The Call with Dads podcast reminds us that fatherhood isn’t about being flawless—it’s about showing up, learning from mistakes, and teaching our kids to do the same. E.A. Maynard, Mr. Pancakes, and Tom J show that fear is a natural part of parenting, but it doesn’t have to define us. By embracing our imperfections, modeling resilience, and staying present, we can raise kids who are strong enough to face their own fears and mistakes without being derailed.
Want to hear more? Check out the full episode at callwithdads.com or find it on your favorite podcast platform. Follow E.A. Maynard at callwithdads.com, Mr. Pancakes at pancakeswithyourdad.com, and Tom at marriage-material.com or on X at
@EarnHerRespect for more dad wisdom and resources. Let’s keep the conversation going—because being a dad is tough, but we’re tougher.
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