Parenting is a journey filled with triumphs, challenges, and moments of self-reflection. In a recent episode of the Call Your Dads podcast, hosts E.a. Maynard, Mr. Pancakes (Eric), and Tom dive into the poignant poem “Father Forgets” by W. Livingston Larned, exploring its timeless lessons for fathers striving to be better for their kids. Their candid discussion, laced with personal anecdotes and heartfelt insights, offers a roadmap for dads to navigate the complexities of fatherhood with grace, patience, and intention.
“Father Forgets,” popularized in Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, is a moving reflection of a father who realizes he’s been too critical of his young son. The poem captures the father’s remorse as he watches his sleeping child, recognizing that he’s been judging him by adult standards rather than embracing his youthful spirit. The hosts unpack this narrative, connecting it to their own experiences as fathers and the universal struggle to balance expectations with unconditional love.
Tom, who read the poem during the episode, was visibly moved, noting its dated yet impactful language. “It’s pretty impactful,” he shared, highlighting lines like, “Your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart, and which even neglect could not wither.” This line underscores a child’s boundless love, a reminder for dads to cherish it rather than squander it with criticism.
Key Lessons for Dads
- Meet Kids Where They Are
The poem’s central message is to stop measuring children by adult yardsticks. E.a. Maynard reflected on his tendency to expect his seven-year-old son, who is exceptionally bright, to handle emotions like an adult. “You forget they’re still 6, 7, or 8,” he said, echoing Mr. Pancakes’ experience with his six-year-old daughter. Kids, especially those with high intelligence or conditions like ADHD, may seem mature but still need patience and understanding suited to their age. - Presence Over Perfection
A striking point from the discussion is that a present, even imperfect, father is better than an absent one. Mr. Pancakes cited studies showing that even a “bad” father in the home provides better outcomes than no father at all. Tom added, “It’s better to be a criticizing present father than not present at all.” This resonates deeply for dads who feel they’re falling short—your presence matters, and striving to improve is what counts. - Balance Work and Home Life
The hosts tackled the myth of “leaving work at the office.” E.a. Maynard, who works from home, admitted that work and home life are intertwined. Tom reframed the concept as “work-life integration,” arguing that work shapes a man’s identity and should positively influence family life. “Work is a core part of who you are as a man,” he said, encouraging dads to bring home the character and skills developed at work, not just stress. - Embrace Your Child’s World
E.a. shared a story about overcoming his aversion to reptiles to bond with his son, who loves snakes and lizards. “I would not have been picking up snakes before my kid,” he laughed, recounting how he now handles black snakes for neighbors. This willingness to step into his son’s passions—despite initial discomfort—strengthened their bond. Dads are encouraged to meet their kids in their interests, whether it’s turtles, sports, or art. - Control Emotions, Lead with Strength
Mr. Pancakes emphasized the importance of emotional control, especially under the pressures of fatherhood. “As a man, you need to sack up, learn to control your emotions,” he said, noting that constant frustration or yelling can erode a wife’s respect and a child’s trust. The poem’s father realizes his harshness stems from habit, not lack of love—a call for dads to pause, reflect, and respond with intention.
Personal Reflections: A Path to Growth
The hosts’ vulnerability added depth to the discussion. E.a. admitted to mimicking his critical biological father’s behavior until he consciously chose to break the cycle. Mr. Pancakes shared his journey of revealing his identity (Eric) after years as a pseudonym, driven by his nonprofit work and a desire to be authentic. Tom reflected on his critical mother and the balancing love of his grandmother, underscoring the need for positive influences beyond parents.
Their stories highlight a universal truth: fatherhood is a learning process. As Mr. Pancakes put it, “The entire basis of this podcast is, ‘What am I doing? How do I do this?’” No dad has all the answers, but the commitment to grow—through reflection, community, and resources—makes all the difference.
Practical Steps for Dads
- Reflect Daily: Like the father in the poem, take time to reflect on your interactions with your kids. Are you being overly critical? Could you show more patience?
- Engage in Their World: Join your child in their interests, even if it’s outside your comfort zone. It builds trust and memories.
- Seek Community: Connect with other dads through podcasts like Call With Dads or local groups to share struggles and solutions.
- Use Resources: Explore books, podcasts, or online courses (like those on American-Liberty-Foundation.org) to gain parenting insights.
- Be Present: Show up, even when it’s hard. Your presence is a gift to your kids, imperfections and all.
Final Thoughts
“Father Forgets” is more than a poem—it’s a mirror for dads to examine their approach to fatherhood. The Call Your Dads hosts remind us that being a better father starts with self-awareness, a willingness to grow, and a commitment to love our kids as they are, not as we expect them to be. As E.A. Maynard said, “Being a better father helps you be a better person all around, and being a better person helps you be a better father.” Let’s take that challenge to heart, one day at a time.
